Sometimes life seems hard
here -- the crowds, the expense, the 24-hour-living-and-working lifestyle...But
then there are days, like yesterday, when we're ever so glad we live in New York
City. Like when much of the rest of the nation goes a reddish color of Tea
Party, and we stick to coffee and stay (largely) blue. Like when Andrew Cuomo
wins against Carl Paladino. And like when the Aeropostale at Times Square institutes an "AERO
Dance Cam" to keep the young folks away from the
East Village on weekends and allow us to mock them via the Internet...
Amen. Here are 50 other reasons to be blissfully
happy that you live in New York City today -- and every day -- that you
live here. May it be a very long time. Unless you want to leave, in which case,
get the fuck out, and can we have your apartment?
50. Sending your laundry out for someone
else to wash and dry it is not only convenient, it's just good business.
Especially since you will probably never own a washer and dryer. Which means you
never have to feel guilty about not doing your own laundry. Next.
49. Drinking coffee four times a day, every
day, isn't the exception, it's the rule.
48. The secret Chick Fil-A at the NYU dining hall.
47. There is always someone crazier than
46. The view from the Brooklyn Bridge.
45. The view of the Brooklyn
44. The epic feeling you
get running to catch a train and succeeding...just before the doors
43. Bored to Death. 30 Rock. SNL. And a million other things that
film here and we love. RIP Law and Order.
wars never cease to entertain. Nor do hipster-Hasid wars. Or hipsters in
41. We get the inside
jokes. Because, actually, we made them up in the first
40. That horrified look on our parents'
friends' faces when we tell them we live in "Hell's Kitchen."
39. Sure, we work out next to Alec Baldwin,
Padma Lakshmi, and Bridget Moynahan, and walk the streets with Willem Dafoe,
Maggie Gyllenhaal, and Tina Fey, but, really, we're kinda too busy with our own
lives to notice.
38. Drinking is like
breathing. Or slightly more acceptable.
37. Because it's not enough to just love
New York. New York needs to love you back,
too. Hey, we have high standards.
36. Whatever you need, whenever you need
it, there is someone who will bring it to you for a price, which may or may not
be negotiable. (Or legal.)
35. By the time the rest of the nation has
bedbugs, we'll have figured out how to get rid of them. In the meantime, we'll
mock them by dressing our dogs up as bedbugs for Halloween.
Laugh in the face of fear, New Yorker!
34. There are almost 200 bars in the East Village
33. There's no shortage of stupid rich people to make fun of.
32. The endless delights of the New York Post.
31. You don't even need a passport, or a
license, to partake in goat-eyeball tacos.
30. The fact that one-bedroom apartments
cost an average minimum of a half-million dollars means we think nothing of
spending $12 on lunch.
29. Restaurants are as common as
single men and women. And equally diverse. And you never have to see
either of them again after the initial awkward encounter.
28. The omnipresent opportunity to Gaga-ify
yourself. And the chance that it will seem, just, normal.
27. Runnin' Scared lives
here! (And so does the Village Voice.)
26. Smart people are the norm, not the
exception. (Which doesn't mean they're sane, but at least no one's
25. Except in select 'hoods like Park Slope
and perhaps the Upper West Side, children are viewed as mysterious beings,
rarely sighted and only occasionally understood, like pixies or magical small
butlers. Until they scream, in which case, they are banished from the
24. When you fly back into the city after a
vacation or business trip, no matter how long you've lived here, you get
23. Efficiency in a drugstore checkout
22. How easy it is to find doughnuts,
pizza, Chinese food, or any other snack your drunken self desires at 4 a.m. Or
to continue to drink. Responsibly!
21. Broadway. Museums. CULTCH-AH. Even if
you never actually go to see anything (though you should, at least once).
20. Yelling "fuck" is just a mild
19. There's no shame in sticking your
fingers in your ears like an anal weirdo when an ambulance goes by
18. Summer concerts at the Williamsburg
17. So many Missed Connections, so little
16. Other places have dog and cat
people. We have
15. The splendor of the Union Square Greenmarket.
14. A bagel with cream cheese and lox from
Russ and Daughters.
13. There is an insane Korean day spa
(Spa Castle) waiting
for you in Flushing. And Russian and Turkish baths in the East Village.
12. One of our bars has 100-year-old
11. Complain about the MTA, but you can get
anywhere in the city for just $2.25. Or $2.50 single ride, come
2011. Still pretty damn cheap.
10. Subway rage. Bike-lane rage. Walking
rage. Random rage. These are our therapy. Although we all go to therapy, too. No
judgments! We bitch, therefore we are.
9. Jaywalking is an art
8. The free Ikea ferry to Red Hook on weekends!
Plus, Red Hook in general. Can you say "Lobster
7. Subway "prewalking," in which you walk
to the exact right spot on the platform to board the train car that will save
you the most time upon exit, exists and has a name. Gotta respect.
6. You can be alone, but never feel lonely.
And vice versa. But if you die
and aren't found until a year later, you won't be
5. We are, as a group, anti-fanny-pack as
much as we are pro-gay-marriage. Hetero marriage, on the other hand, we can
pretty much take or leave.
4. 35 is the new 26. Or is it 45? Whatever,
age ain't nuthin' but a number, and as long as you're younger than your IQ
score, no harm, no foul.
3. Finding your "local" is that much better
2. There is absolutely no reason to ever
drink and drive. Added bonus: Spontaneous, fascinating conversations with cab
1. If you can make it here, you really can
make it anywhere. But why would you bother to go anywhere else?