The Republican Chat Line
(Thanks to Mike S. for pointing out this YouTube video!)
Also, for all you whovians chomping at the bit for some new Dr. Who, I'm happy to report that this past weekend's fisrt show of season three, "Smith and Jones", is now ready for downloading on chazhome!
Smith and Jones plot: Martha Jones is walking to work when she receives a series of phone calls from her family about her brother Leo's 21st birthday party that evening. She gets interrupted by a stranger (the Doctor) who takes off his tie, smiles, and says "Like so, see?", and walks off. Bemused, she continues on. She arrives at work, a hospital, bumping into a black leather-clad man wearing a motorbike helmet at the entrance, who ignores her. Later, getting her white coat from a locker, she receives an electric shock.
The consultant, Mr Stoker is leading a ward round and Martha is one of the medical students. They start with Florence Finnegan, whom Mr. Stoker diagnoses as being salt deficient, and continue on to the Doctor, introduced as John Smith. Martha challenges him about the events earlier that morning, but he denies being present. She wonders whether he might have a brother, but he answers "not any more". Martha listens to his chest and hears two hearts. He gives her a wink and she smiles back at him.
Later on, Martha is chatting to her sister on the phone. It is raining outside but her sister says where she is, nearby, it is beautiful weather, and it is like on cartoons when it's raining only over a single person. Her co-worker tells her to look at the rain, as does her sister and Martha see it is going up instead of down. There is a tremor and when Martha looks out, she realises they are on the Moon. Many of the patients and staff are scared, but Mr. Stoker looks out calmly, while Florence Finnegan searches for him.
Martha and her colleague head for a window which Martha intends to open whilst the Doctor nips behind a curtain. Martha's colleague panics, telling her if she opens the window all the air will be sucked out. The much calmer Martha rationalises that that cannot be true as the window is not sealed, so it would have happened already anyway. The Doctor pulls back the curtain to reveal himself now wearing a blue pinstripe suit and tells Martha she is correct. They discuss why they can all still breathe, with the Doctor impressed with Martha's reasoning. He asks if they have any kind of balcony, to which Martha tells him they have one for patients to use. The Doctor invites her to go step out onto it with him, warning her they might die. Martha calmly replies they might not, winning the Doctor's further approval. Going out on to a balcony, the Doctor demonstrates the presence of a force field around the hospital. He asks Martha what she believes is going on. She firmly believes the situation is alien interference, noting that it would have sounded crazy a few years ago, but with the Slitheen, Sycorax and Cybermen invading over the past year, it's much more believable. As she continues to refer to him as Mr Smith, the Doctor informs her of his preferred title. Martha assumes he means Doctor Smith, but he clarifies he means just 'the Doctor'.
Huge cylindrical ships appear and land outside the hospital. Black armoured soldiers march out and the Doctor identifies them as the Judoon.
As Mr Stoker looks on, Florence Finnegan enters with two motor biking couriers, telling him she needs help. Mr Stoker says he doesn't believe he can help anyone in the current situation and reflects on his plans to have retired in two years time to Florida and how he believes he will never see his student daughter ever again. Florence insists he can help her and explains cryptically why her salt levels were abnormal. She tells the couriers to hold him as she takes out a straw and walks menacingly towards him.
The Judoon enter and begin scanning people. Their leader removes his helmet, revealing a head not unlike the Earth's Rhino, then issues orders in an alien language, presumably ordering the Judoon to draw their guns, as this is what they do. One of the trainee doctors attempts to speak for the humans, but the leader responds by shoving him against a wall and using a device in order to translate his own speech into Earth English. He then scans the trainee, confirms him as human and marks him with a black cross on his right hand. Hiding above on the balcony with Martha, the Doctor says they are looking for non-humans, which means bad news for him. Martha is shocked at his statement, but doesn't believe that he is an alien. The Doctor tells her that Judoon are like police-for-hire, and if they find out that the hospital is hiding a non-human criminal, the hospital will be sentenced to death.
The Judoon continue upwards through the building, scanning each and every human. The trainee doctor insists they are only there to conduct a harmless scan on everyone, but a male patient panics and strikes a Judoon from behind with a vase, which merely shatters against the alien's armour. The Judoon leader declares this an act of physical assault and judges punishment of execution. The soldiers comply, shooting the man with laser guns which completely incinerates him. As the shocked trainee tells them they 'didn't have to do that' the commanding Judoon replies, 'Justice is swift'.
The Doctor attempts to access information from a hospital computer but finds to his frustration the Judoon have wiped the records. He explains to Martha that he had no idea that they were coming and he had only admitted himself to the hospital as he had detected signs of a Plasmavore. He asks her if she knows anyone who has checked into the hospital in the last week with unusual symptoms; she says that Mr Stoker would know and heads to his office. When she arrives there, Florence is still sucking his blood. Martha runs off but Florence orders one of the couriers to go after her. The Doctor meets her in the corridor and they run together to a room with an X-ray machine. The Doctor seals the door with his sonic screwdriver and tells Martha to activate the machine when he says "Now!".
The courier comes in and the Doctor scorches it with radiation but his screwdriver is destroyed in the process. He expresses remorse at first, saying, "I loved my sonic screwdriver...", but then throws it away.
Martha tells the Doctor about Florence and he says that because she sucked Mr Stoker's blood and assimilated him, she will register as human when the Judoon scan her. He explains to Martha that she is a Plasmavore, a blood-sucking alien. He hurries to find her before the Judoon but it is too late; she has already been scanned and marked as human.
The Judoon see the Doctor and scan him. He registers as non-human and they think he is the Plasmavore. They try to execute him but he escapes with Martha. Meanwhile the oxygen levels are going down and Martha's co-worker is giving extra oxygen to a patient. The Doctor tells Martha to give him time to find Florence and then kisses her to implant slight traces of alien DNA on her. He runs off, leaving a startled Martha in his wake. The Judoon catch up with her and begin scanning her and identify her as human, but with non-human traces.
Meanwhile the Doctor finds Florence, fiddling with an MRI device. Reverting to his cover story, he pretends to be just another amazed human who has no idea what's happening. She orders her remaining minion to hold the Doctor while she explains her plan. She says that she will fry the brains of the hospital and half of Earth, leaving her free to escape the Judoon because she is safe in the room. The Doctor tells her they are doing secondary scans so she sucks his blood. He falls to the floor, supposedly dead.
Meanwhile, the Judoon have confirmed Martha is human and march to Florence's room. Martha is shocked to see the Doctor dead on the floor but realises he sacrificed his life to save them. She scans Florence and because she sucked the Doctor's blood and assimilated the non-human blood she now registers as alien. The Judoon charge her with the murder of the child princess of Patravolde Regency Nine, to which Florence proudly admits. She orders the Slab to attack the Judoon but they swiftly dispatch it and soon after eradicate Florence too, but not before she can activate the overload. The Judoon detect the problem, but declare their duty fulfilled and swiftly withdraw. At this point the oxygen is nearly depleted and the MRI device is about to activate.
Frustrated, she tries to resurrect the Doctor herself, eventually remembering to apply pressure to both his hearts. He awakes and unplugs the machinery. Martha passes out and the Doctor picks her up, crying for the Judoon to save them as they take off. Eventually, it starts raining again and the hospital is transported back to Earth where Tish, Martha's sister is waiting. Martha watches the Doctor leave and sees him head toward a strange blue box, but while she is distracted by her sister both the Doctor and the box disappear.
That night it is Leo's party and the family are arguing over Annalise, who mocks Martha's claims of having been to the moon and cites the publically released cover story (involving everyone in the hospital being drugged in a conspiricy) as truth. As the family follow each other down the street in an increasing argument, Martha spots the Doctor. She follows him around the corner, to see him standing before that blue box, whereupon he introduces himself as a Time Lord and this box as the TARDIS. He then offers her a trip, to thank her for her help; but she tells him she does not have the time - she cannot go off into space with him, she has to go into town the following morning and pay bills. He informs her that his ship is also a time machine. She does not believe him. The TARDIS dematerialises and rematerialises; the Doctor steps out, holding his tie. Martha realises that that accounts for their encounter in the morning.
She then slowly goes into the TARDIS and is amazed that it is bigger on the inside. The Doctor talks about Rose, but says Martha is not replacing Rose; he is just going to take her on one single trip to thank her for saving his life. She flirts with him however, saying "You're the one who kissed ME". He assures her that it was a genetic transfer, and she explains that she is not remotely interested - she only goes for humans. As he turns away though, she looks quite sadly at the floor. The Doctor powers up the TARDIS, charging down the gravitic anomaliser, firing up the helmic regulator and of course - releasing the handbrake. The TARDIS begins to shake violently as the Doctor and Martha shake hands over the console as it flies through the time vortex, with a greeting of "Welcome aboard, Miss Jones!", to which she replies "It's my pleasure, Mr Smith!"
Today's song is: Louie Austen - One Night in Rio, which is a jazzy number featured on Stéphane Pompougnac's "Hotel Costes #5"